Tuesday, May 3, 2016

A Conversation Wtih Fear

Heart lights up and declares, "I want to travel to Africa and take a photography workshop!"

Brain wants to check in with husband. It is very expensive and not at a great time.

Fear quietly allows us to ask for details but go no further than that.

Husband surprisingly says, "yes! Go! You have to go!"

Heart jumps for joy and does a ballerina twirl.

Anxiety wakes up and shouts, "NO! Are you crazy? A week in Africa with a group of people you don't know doing something where you can be judged! Plus, its too much money. Plus, you won't get to go to Disneyland."

Fear agrees wholeheartedly. "I've played along while you daydreamed about this, but now I am putting my foot down. Do NOT send that deposit check. What if you regret this? It is very God oriented and what if you don't get a lot out of it? Also, do you know how many shoots you will have to do to cover the cost of this trip? A billzillion! I thought you wanted to retire sooner."

Heart pipes in, "I need to be inspired. I need to know what my path in life is, and I think this may be it. I think I want to travel and tell the stories of people I meet through photography. Plus, I want to invite Creativity. I haven't seen her in a while and I need her in my life."

Anxiety replies, "Stay at home. It is safe and you are surrounded by those you love - like a warm blanket. Think of all the horrible things that could happen if you leave this cocoon."

"What horrible things?" demands Heart.

"You will be tired - Africa is on the other side of the world and you won't be able to nurture  yourself since you will be so far out of your comfort zone. Imagine trying to interact with strangers after flying for a day."

"This is true," Heart concedes, "but I have survived harder things in my life for less reward. I can do it."

"You will have to be 'on' all the time. Interacting with new people trying to get the to like you. It is exhusting."

"Plus, what if they realize that your photos are not good," Fear chimes in. "You call yourself a professional, but everyone else will be better than you. It will be humiliating!"

"I don't want to go to show off or impress anyone. I want to go to learn how to be better. I want to be inspired and walk with Creativity," Heart replies. "My work is a process, and I deserve to be here. I deserve to create. I have a right to work with Creativity just by being human. Learning and being inspired by others is my only goal. It is impossible to be humiliated if I go with that intention."

"Don't go," Fear shouts, but his words are fading away.

"Please stay," begs Anxiety with a pathetic whimper. Like a drowning man who knows it is too late. 

"I am going." Heart declares loudly. "And you can come along. You will come along regardless of what I say, but you do not get to dictate our choices. I will be in charge. You are the observers. Creativity and I will make the decisions."

And Fear and Anxiety didn't respond because they were so small that their voices couldn't be heard.