Friday, June 19, 2009

new steps

My amazing daughter is learning and doing so much everyday that it is hard to keep up with her. I realize that I haven't posted about her in quite some time, and I intend to remedy this oversight. So, I apologize to those of you who are looking for an interesting post rather than a list of my daughter's accomplishments, but it is the right of every mother to brag about her child - especially on the internet :)

As of today, Alice is saying: hot, hat, dog, down, up, cat, mama, dada, duck, help, more, milk, hiding, chicken, and any other word that your repeat slowly for her. 

She is walking and sometimes even jogging (usually when she is trying to catch herself after a stumble). 

She can take her shoes off all by herself and does a really good attempt at putting them back on. She puts her toys away when she is finished playing, and can follow simple command like, "bring mama the toy," or "put your clothes in the dirty clothes basket." 

She points to her nose and the noses of every character in her books and goes down the slides all by herself. 

She is so brilliant, I'm sure that I am forgetting somethings. 

On a slightly unrelated note, I start school next week and am a bit nervous - both about the classes themselves (gosh I feel old) and about leaving my wonderful child for three days a week. I know that she will be fine, but every time I think about it I want to cry. I can tell that life is going to be a series of events designed to help me let her go. If I could, I would hug her all day and night forever.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Battling Depression

I am depressed.

I don't know why I've been so hesitant to tell people that I've been sad. Maybe its because I feel like I have no right to be sad. I'm still amazed that this incredible little person is my baby and that I won the husband lottery by marrying the most kind, fun, and understanding man in the world. I have everything that ever matters in life, yet I still cry everyday.  I have to force myself to get up and take care of the growing list of things that need to be done.

I understand why it is called battling depression. It really is a battle. It would be so much easier to just curl up in a ball, throw the covers over my head and give into this sadness that has claimed my life, but I tried that, and it just made it worse. I've decided that it is time to fight. 

Here are my three rules for battling depression:
1) exercise every day - I joined a gym and have been faithfully going about  5 days a week. When I don't go, I make sure that I walk or do something else active. This has so many benefits: I get to model healthy behavior for my daughter. I feel better. I lose weight - which makes me feel better.

2) say yes to every opportunity that comes my way - within reason :) So, invite me out, ask me to go skydiving with you, hike a mountain - I am required to say yes. 

3) keep track of what makes me happy - Alice and SDN dominate this category, but there are so many things that I love right now. The sun shining on my arm as I write this post. The quiet that has settled over the house as Alice sleeps soundly upstairs. The baby bird hoping along the fence post. 

I have also decided to take classes this summer at the UW. It will be nice to have a break and to be working towards bettering myself. I don't know what I'm going to do about tutoring. I'm just too good at my job - all my students want me to work with them extra hours over the summer (and here I thought I was going to get a break)...we'll see. 

So, now you all know my dirty little secret. I don't want you to feel sorry for me or even act any different than you normally do around me - life is about challenges and its not realistic to avoid anything that might set me off. Really, I am telling you this for selfish reasons. If I talk about it, maybe I can think of a way to fix it - a way to not feel so alone and so broken.