Friday, October 8, 2010

Finding Balance

I find myself struggling with this concept of community.

When I think of community, I think of all the good things: shared meals, friends for Ilya, support, connection, shared ideals, community events...There is, unfortunatly, another side of community that I had a vague concept of before, but which now is becoming a very solid reality. Everyone is in everyone business ALL THE TIME! I am the queen of finding judgement in words where none was intended, so take this with a grain of salt, but it seams to me that everyone has an opinion of everything that I am doing, from how I raise my daughter to Adam working in the common house. I am trying to step back and really hear what people are saying when they make these comments, but I admit - I feel devastated every time I hear something. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I had someone to bounce my thoughts off of, but Adam is gone all the time. He works until 6 everyday then goes off to teach Tuesdays and Thursdays. I'm going out of my mind a little. I'm surrounded by people, but I still feel totally alone.

Don't take anything I say right now too seriously. I'm just feeling down. On the upside, tomorrow, I get to go watch my very best friend get married. I miss her so much it hurts, and I'm so excited for her wedding. I just wish she were moving to Seattle afterward.

I think that eventually I will be stronger and learn so much from community living, but it is hard right now.

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