Preschool

Ilya's preschool is this little haven of joy and love and perfection in the midst of a crazy toddler world. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that it is only two hours a day twice a week or maybe its because the teachers actually went to school and learned how to deal with toddlers (I'm envisioning a place much like Hogwarts where they teach you magic spells and Jedi mind tricks - that was Harry Potter, right?). Whatever the reason, every time I walk into the classroom, I find myself very aware of every word that comes out of my mouth.

We walk in the door and Ilya's teacher warmly welcomes her with a smile and a comment about some twig or leaf that Ilya inevitably finds on our walk over. I tell Ilya that it is time to use the potty to which she replies, "I don't have to go." My daughter has a bladder the size of a peanut. She peas, on average, 5 times an hour. Sometimes she just sits on the potty for the entire hour to streamline the process. So, she knows, and I know that the changes of her "not having to go" are about as large as actually getting 8 solid hours of sleep a night (in other words, slim to none).

Teacher Linda smiles at Ilya as I madly search my brain for some sort of enticement to get her to sit on the potty that doesn't make it sound like I regularly bribe my child (because, as everyone knows, only bad parents do that).

"Why don't we just try," I lamely suggest. This doesn't even merit an answer from my daughter as she prepares to begin her day. I quickly grab for her hand and try again, "We sit on the potty when we get to school," (LAAA! I am the textbook of good parenting).

"NO!" crap. If we were at home, there would have been promises of food followed by veiled threats to take away the "big girl underwear," but we are not at home. We are at school, and bribery and threats are looked down upon. So, I do what any good parent would do in my shoes.

I give up.

Not surprisingly, when I pick Ilya up two hours later she is dressed in a completely different outfit, and I am unceremoniously handed a bag of urine soaked laundry. Awesome.