Monday, April 6, 2009

I am officially nuts



Today is one of those days that remind me why I love Seattle. The sun was shining - the sky was perfectly blue - and the temperature was at the perfect balance of not too hot yet warm enough that you don't even need a sweater. Perfect. I would be derelict in my mothering duties if I allowed a day like this to go by without exposing little Alice to some vitamin D, so we walked to the mall (following the path that has the maximum number of dogs along the way so that they could bark at her and she could point and laugh - ah my daughter has a sense of humor!)

Once inside the mall, I bought a diet coke to reward myself for walking all the way to the mall and I got Alice a cup of water. We passed annoying teen sales lady manning her kiosk. I make it a rule never to make eye contact with these people as they take any sort of glance in their direction as an invitation to suck you into an hour long presentation pointing out how dry your skin is or how wrinkly your clothes are and how much better your life would be with their remarkably inexpensive product - which they are always willing to discount if you hem and haw enough.

"Excuse me, miss?" I hadn't even looked in her direction, and there she was using the word "miss" in hopes that I would be flattered enough to stop and listen to her sales pitch.

"yes?" I responded automatically - her clever tactics worked.

"What do you do with your hair?" she asked reaching out to me. My hair? You mean this rats nest on top of my head that I paid someone $5 to cut because she promised she would go fast and Alice only has so much patience. This same hair that I then dyed bright red in hopes that it would draw the eye away from the awful hack job or at least make people think that I obviously have some fashion statement to make that they are just too uncultured to understand.

"Not a lot," I replied as I continued walking. This must not have been an answer that she was expecting because in the time it took her to try to find a way to weave my words into something that resembled interest in her product, I was halfway across the mall.

Alice and I sat down to enjoy our drink. Me drinking my soda while Alice poured her water down her chest, blew bubbles, and splashed her fingers in it. I periodically asked her if she wanted more while making the sign for more by putting my fingers together and she inevitably responded with her monkey grunts (an affirmative). At one point, I got distracted watching the pre-teens wearing more make-up than most porn stars and when I glanced at Alice, I noticed that she was putting her hands together clearly fursturated that I was delayed in giving her the "more" water that she was requesting. I was so excited that I nearly jumped up and down claping (completely forgetting to actually give the poor girl more water). The painted girls glanced away from me as if acting that embarrassing in public were contagious while the old man at the next table quietly chuckeled.

I remember a time when I acted like a sane person in public. Where I didn't go out with baby goop spread all over my clothes and I never raised my voice above an accecptable "indoor voice." I remember a time when I had time to get a decent hair cut and taking a break did not consist of a tug-of-war over a full glass of water. When I think about that time I realize just how boring my life was before Alice came along.

Thank you so much, little girl, for making my life infinately more interesting.

1 comment:

Susan said...

Sanity is overrated; so are perfect hair, spiffy clothes and flawless makeup. Alice is brilliant and you are wonderful.

I love you, S:-)mom

p.s. I read your blog!