I remember wandering around the deserted streets of London at 3am, alone, just to just to see what the city was like at that time of night. I was young, fearless, and anxious to see the world, and I prided myself on never worrying about being lost. I felt confident that I could get out of any situation and eventually find my way to something familiar if I just walked far enough. After all, being lost is part of the adventure of traveling.
That adventure, like so many others, has become part of my BB life. Before Baby.
A couple of nights ago, Adam, Ilya, and I went to dinner at a friends house in the main part of Magdeburg. We left early to get Ilya home to bed and hoped on the number 5 tram which has always taken us to our part of town. This night, however, for reasons unknown, the number 5 tram decided to go in a completely different direction. About ten minutes into the ride, I realized that nothing looked familiar - in fact, things looked depressingly ominous. The buildings were all boarded up and street lights were few and far between. I kept waiting for things to look better, but as we got further away from the city center, things just looked worse. Eventually, we decided to get off while we still could (by this point, there was just us and one other person sitting in the front), and emerged on a completely deserted, dark, boarded up street straight out of a scene from a horror movie.
"Previous Me" would have made some sort of joke and started walking back towards the city center. "Previous Me" would have been fearless and excited by the adventure.
"Current Me" was terrified.
Fear for my baby girl overshadowed all my logical thinking. My heart was racing, and I was convinced that we were going to be mugged, probably at gunpoint, right then and there. Thank God Adam was there to figure out what tram we need to take to get back because I was useless. It didn't help matters that Ilya decided that this would be the perfect opportunity to squirm, scream, and try to get out of the carrier.
Not to keep you in suspense (and worry my parents unnecessarily), we made it to the tram stop going back to the city center, caught a tram, then caught another one that did actually take us home.
Everyone tells you that becoming a parent changes everything, and you believe them...to a point. I never thought, in my wildest dreams, that becoming a parent would change the very core of who I am. I'm not better or worse. I'm just different.